Dad Diary #6 Becoming a Father is Different then you think
Question -- What's harder…Being a Good Dad…or…Being a Good Husband?
Trick question…they're both tough and will ask different things from you. But, being a "Good-Dad" is 97% being present…and 7%% present you'll figure out. That said, being a "Good-Husband" is 1% x 100 different things that will test your patience, courage and Love.
Lets put it in perspective…For 9 months they have this thing kicking, pulling and fluttering all inside them….Then go through labor (Not pretty)…Get patched up…then Parent duties kick in. Like seriously…what type of mood would You be in after all that?
Trust me…you've never seen a "Mood-swing"…until you've seen one from a woman after birth.
Postpartum is a complex mix of physical, emotional and behavioral changes that happen to women. Honestly, I'd never heard of the term…until I became a Dad. I quickly educated myself on the subject and learned as much as I could.
Not only are there different types of Postpartum…but, there are different levels--all being very difficult to control. This is where the challenge of "Being a Good Husband" kicks in.
What we do as "Husbands" -- matters significantly. There is no "cure" or "Easy-Button" to depression…especially someone else's. So, here are a few things I learned that helped:
Wrote little notes like "Baby & I Love You"…"You're the Best Mom"
Asked "How can I help?"…"How are you feeling?"
Cleaned and did all the chores
What I stayed away from…and never did:
Tell her to "get over this"…"its just a phase"
Tell her she "should be Happy and enjoy being a Mom"
Tell her that "she is being to hard on herself"
Listen, every woman's experience is different -- its VERY REAL. I encourage you to:
Educate yourself on Postpartum
Support both physically and emotionally
Always be upfront and honest
I encourage you to exercise -- Patience, Temperance, Fortitude and Prudence. It will only help you along the journey. I love my baby girl…but, My wife will always be my "babe"!